I met a few new moms this past weekend. It wasn’t long before #momguilt was mentioned. A question posed at me was, do you get mom guilt too?

YES. And yes, I am a stay at home mom. It’s a mama thing, y’all! There will always be someone thinking you aren’t doing it right, or that you must have it easy.  I am truly blessed to stay at home, and so happy too.  I remember when I first became a stay at home mom after our Precious Peach arrived; I was just so overjoyed, I couldn’t believe it to be true. And here I am, almost TWO years later {gasp}.

Anywayyyy. With a growing life (and you growing as well as an individual and new mama) things are always changing, whether you stay at home or go to work. And it is HARD, but oh so important. Let me say that one more time, being a mom is IMPORTANT. It is work and it matters, so remember that- put it on a sticky note, write it on your mirror.  As I tell you to remember, I also need to do so too.  Why? I often forget the importance of my job between all the picking up and cooking, while drowning in laundry.  It is so easy to get wrapped up in daily tasks, so much to the point you might forget how important it all is and start to feel bad. Once, I start to feel bad about one thing, that leads to others.  I’ll feel bad {often} that I do not provide any income for our family, or I am not doing enough to make our budget work better. Do I take the mini to the park enough, or read enough, etc?  A rabbit hole of guilt.

Then there are days when I’m like YES, I am doing this right, this is meaningful. I teach her a lot, look at all she has learned. Wait, am I teaching her enough? Is she exposed to a variety of activities throughout the day/week that stimulate her little brain? And just like that, here we go again- mom guilt strikes again. Bring me all the wine, maybe coffee too. Mom guilt is like a bomb, and you must decide which wire to cut. BUT what if the wires aren’t universal, oh gosh!!!!

 

thinking mama howthismamadoes.com

 

Where does mom guilt come from?

BabyCenter compares mom guilt to PMS.  I can totally see this. We all get it- moms that work and moms that stay home, cook verse order take out, etc. But ultimately it is the feeling of shame and then letting it take over. We compare ourselves to others, or set unrealistic expectations. Don’t get me wrong, expectations can certainly be good; however, if we really don’t know any better we may have set them incorrectly and if so must learn and adjust rather than feel guilty. Mamas, we are all different, just because we may admire another or appreciate a motherly path does not mean it will work for us.  Mamahood is not a one size fits all.  Not to mention, the difference between each child as well! More wine, please.

How to conquer mom guilt: 

If only I had more money, resources, etc. Does that matter? Of course more money or resources could be helpful but mom guilt shows no pity and it runs deep!

Support Newtwork:

Let’s be real, we can be a MAJOR support network for one another, mamas. It is so important to have someone or a group to be able to ask questions/have conversations with.  Talking to another mom that gets it, helps me calm down- every single time. My little Dare Devil climbed out of her crib at 16 months. She was fine and recovered within minutes, me I was a mess for most of the day.  I even talked to TWO close friends that have two or more kids, so you know- they have more experience. These ladies really helped me chill out. I am also so grateful for my Mama Tribe at church and our bible study group, I know these ladies will drop what they’re doing to help, listen and/or pray for me and my family.  All of your friends do not need to be moms, and just because you know a mom doesn’t mean you’ll become friends but you do need at least one mom friend.

Show yourself grace:

Accept it and learn from it.  Realize that guilt shows you care and are aware; now that you know, you can reflect and make whatever changes may need to be made.  Maybe you don’t have to change what you’re doing but stop comparing yourself to some other moms, remember we are not all in the same boat just because we have had babies. As mothers, we must find peace in the fact that we were created for this, there is great value in motherhood.

 

perhaps this is the moment for which you were created esther 4:14 howthismamadoes.com

 

Think Positive:

Let it go- sing the song if that helps, too. Pray and give it to God. Then focus on positive things.  We have much to be thankful for, it is just sometimes difficult to remember when we are consumed with negative thoughts and emotions. Anxiety can prey on us, but when we set our sights on what is good we can overcome weakness.

Now with many things in life, this is all much easier said than done. We are not perfect, nor were we meant to be, we must TRULY absorb that knowledge and be okay living that way. But hey, I’m just a mama living day by day. Have any useful tricks up your sleeve that help combat mom guilt? Remember the whole support network thing? Sharing is caring, ladies. Less judging, more understanding and helping!

 

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